For fourteen long years You have removed me, You have reproved me and taken away my strength. All I possessed, piece by piece, one by one You took it all away until there was none. Darkness covered my eyes. My soul was crushed and poured out like bitter wine.
In kindness and mercy You let me see the blackness of my soul and the stench of my unauthorized and hypocritical words. You promised me that You would and You have been faithful to Your word.
Who did I imagine myself to be? Who did I think I was? How blind was my blindness? What possessed me to believe You didn't see every deed, hear every word, and know my every thought? What made me think I was unrestrained, immune to consequence or discipline knowing what I know, having seen what I have seen?
Fourteen years I despaired. In my blight I took it upon myself to fulfill what I thought best for me. I knew what You had promised me yet I was held back by a wall of my own unbelief as I banged my head against steel doors. Afflicted and bowed down I wallowed in the muck and mire of my own undoing as I cried out, O Lord, woe is me.
But You O God are great and glorious in Your splendor. Long-suffering in Your kindness and merciful when You reprove. You never waivered though my seas raged and world collapsed, You stood patient and unchanging; Your love? Unrelenting. Your hands always open and arms outstretched.. always waiting.
How can I speak? What words could I say? I am humbled by Your faithfulness to me, the one who turned his back and defiled Your Name. I am... speechless.
Affliction was Your rod upon my back and mercy Your prodding staff guiding me ever home. What kind of love will let you go to discover a bitter, hollow end only to patiently wait for your eyes to open, your ears to hear... revealing the depth of who You are... how You care... why You died... and how much You love... how much You love me.
If ever I was sure
If ever I was confident
If ever there were a reason to believe God’s steadfast love is incomprehensible... then I am and my life and the words that flow from my soul testify to my personal encounters with Love personified.
Lord You are good! You are good! You are God…
and You are GOOD!
On this day, at this moment,
Here and now...
Never changing and ever-present...
You are as You have always been…
And because You are and You are love...